Kenk Interview

I mean it’s very simple. Collectively we overspend. Look at us. We’re all fat, toothless losers. That’s all to it. Our dicks don’t even go up any more without Viagra, our women are not happy unless we give them some gifts, money, I don’t know.

Interview with Igor Kenk
Igor Kenk, bike shop operator. Kenk, an ex-cop from Slovenia, operated a ramshackle bike shop on Queen Street West in Toronto for 14 years. On July 16th 2008, he was busted and faces 100 charges relating to stolen bikes and drug trafficking.

Interview with Robin Benger

What do you think about the global financial crisis?

I mean it’s very simple. Collectively we overspend. Look at us. We’re all fat, toothless losers. That’s all to it. Our dicks don’t even go up any more without Viagra, our women are not happy unless we give them some gifts, money, I don’t know. It’s getting ballistic, man. Like, we don’t have children, or why would you have children because a punk comes out, Dad, give me the credit card. Meanwhile the credit card has been maxed out, it’s that simple. Well, like you might as well go to the zoo and take a shot of the chimpanzee. How can they, like how can they with straight face continue talking where he, like last week says, “Our economy is fundamentally sound.” Are you fucking out of your mind retard? Like, we’re just about to fall down 25 floors and be pasted, dusted, historically so, and you, retard, claim, like fundamentally. Like you can say, okay, we have a little bit of cracks left, right and centre, but we’re Americans. We’re not going to let go. We’re going to as always…my personal thing is that we’re going to be rivaling a great depression here by the time things get to be draw the line underneath.

Are you ready for that?

I was ready. I was ready. Look at me, I was ready. I had couple thousand bicycles. Dude, after shit’s down, like what do I need to worry?

Why is having bikes your answer…

That just means one bike a day of surplus. Over 15 years, I don’t understand why. I don’t see any surprise in here.

If a collapse came, you’d be ready?

I’d be ready. You kidding me? You give me loaf of bread, I’ll let you ride my bike. Done. No loaf, no ride. You want to steal my stuff, please. You can’t do anything with it anyways. I dismantle them.

So you were saving up for the big depression?

Well, no, no. My basic synopsis is if they didn’t bag me right now, by the time I’m ready to be retired, I would have the biggest private museum of bikes on the planet. For sure, for sure. In Vienna I went to see the museum. They had jack shit. There is nothing…they had bunch of penny farthing bikes. I’m specialized to the ones that are reasonable to ride. Just like I’m not collecting ’30s cars. I would basically say cars of ’90s were fine. They were durable, still guzzlers.

Why have the biggest museum of bikes?

Why not? Tell me why not. I’m meeting. I’m meeting my production. I’m meeting my…I run as if I ran the planet Igor. On planet Igor I was fine. I was fine. I have shitload of food buried everywhere, I’m fine. Like you come down, great, I’m the last one having a headache.

Describe hoarding?

Well, hoarding is probably based on this insecurity, distrust. I distrust. Of course I distrust. When I see the chimpanzee stalking crap, where it’s…the destruction is a one sentence, very simple. One hole at the time. We need to, we need to do one hole at a time, and that’s what I do. When I…you asked me earlier, why do I pick the garbage outside, one hole at a time. That’s the only hole I can tighten right now. Take the shopping bag when we go to the park, right? And it’s very cleaning. I get very clean by fuming…collecting four stupid shopping bags of shit that people who are not owning the park…if they owned the park I don’t think they would throw the crap, right? Now, in Philosopher Walk where we walk every day, like I get the shopping bag of shit every day. Like these are privileges. These young, aristocrats, they’re throwing garbage around. If that’s not concerning, I don’t know. I don’t want to tell you.

…its a wasteful world

Yeah, it’s like we’re fat and it needs one hole at a time. Sure it’s not pleasant to tighten, keep tightening, but it needs to be tightened. So, you ask me, what am I worried? I’m hungry. I’m starved. Like most of the day, every day I’m starved. I don’t eat. I’m like, like I’m at the university when they measured me I was like skeleton. To fight in my 78 kilo like I had to be like, like I’m built like tank. Like my co-fighters had shitload of muscles and I’m like a cripple there, like a bone bag. And I’m not worried. Of course the more…they have twice as much muscular mass, and of course they’re going to knock me out. Sure, seven or eight people to knock me out every day. But I still happily go every Sunday and trash the six of them out of the other ones that I can take down. And I’m happy leader of second league. It’s your attitude. You know, it’s not within my parameters. If I’m a dust…if I’m a bone bag, I’m clearly not going to be doing something like judo or swimming. I’m not going to go swim. I’m the last one on the planet. I got small little bony shit to go around. When I jump into the water I bounce off the bottom like a stone. You cannot see anything like it.

You watch Speed channel?

Yeah, I like motorcycle racing. I did some motorcycle racing in my formative years. Like this, the commodity is flying. I don’t know where are we? I feel like we’re at some cottage with my buzzed out bunch and we’re just slipping the coin. Like I’m sorry. You can’t put, like 15% oil, you can’t just put 15% up and like 30% down within few weeks. Like, I’m sorry. It’s not working, it’s not working. So, these people, when these people came to Slovenia, I tell you, that’s why I love my surrogate mother. Because it doesn’t matter. Back then you didn’t get the job, you didn’t get laid, nothing. If you’re if you’re born from the, on the wrong side of the river, you’re toast. And like, who the fuck…I don’t understand all this shit. Like what business do these people have trashing? Unbelievable. That I don’t even watch, it’s crazy. Like my people being killed like this? Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. So, it’s a nightmare. That’s a nightmare to me. Like I was…my girlfriend, she’s watching the garbage on TV, the trailers and shit. As soon as somebody comes with a gun, any form of blood, any form of scenes of crime or violence I’m out, I’m out, I’m not interested. I’m gone. Call me when you’re finished. Chimpanzee go to zoo. Like this is enough, man. Like, I have no time for this…like I only propose and endorse au natural, none of these studio, studio working, to look better and, I don’t know, like the capital of the world, Buenos Aires and people making themselves looking appealing. What a joke. Let’s go to the zoo, man, the animals are prettier. Holy shit, look at the fucking TSX. Look at that! Woah, we are flying through the bottom. We are going hard.